Who do you think you are!?

     I feel that there is something falling apart in modern day theater. Theater etiquette. I will link you to a video that is mildly viral among the theater community, that I feel sums it up entirely. I am Patti Lupone! Hear me roar! Let me break this down for you. A number of things are wrong with this picture. Essentially what happens, is someone fairly close to the stage begins taking picture of this particular performance of Gypsy during the title song and climax of the show, Rose's Turn. This distracts Lupone or something, yet instead of turning the other cheek and staying in character, she completely halts the show all together. She demands the orchestra stop playing, an act which I'm sure elicited reactions beyond my imagination both in the pit and backstage, and after she's let the silent "Is this really happening?" settle over the entire theater, she goes off on the photographer. Lord knows that poor person was struggling to keep his entire digestive system from jettisoning out his throat.
     So here's what irks me; nobody is right. Not even Patti Lupone: Boy Wonder. I admit taking picture, flash or not, can be incredibly distracting to a performing during a show. It is rude and impolite. We as theater-goers attend live theater to enjoy the performance. Now unless you've been to every single performance and you simply cannot afford these third row seats anymore so you must record every aspect of the show you can with your seventy dollar Kodak camera, there's no excuse. Enjoy the show! Soak in the music, feel the words. Art is infectious, but if you resist the virus, you'll ruin it for everyone.
    Nonetheless, I'd like to know where Patti Lupone gets off pulling a full fledged diva fit not only in the middle of a professional performance, but at it's most important instant. Oh, and the audience eats it up! They applaud her, encouraging her outrageous behavior. She thrashes about hypocritical words about public manners and 'the theater' and every ounce of it makes me scoff. Honey, this is not your show, this is not your theater, and this is most certainly not Gypsy, Patti Lupone Smackdown Raw. Calm yourself my dear.
     Here's where irony and the like enter the situation. Patti Lupone starts off by yelling at the audience member to stop taking pictures and then has him thrown out. Afterward she proceeds to lecture the audience about proper audience behavior and etiquette. Pause and rewind. Patti, let's talk about your behavior and etiquette. How wildly unprofessional of you! Who do you think YOU are!? Who on Earth stops a live show to climb atop their soapbox for three minutes? I want to like and respect you but it's so hard when your bigotry and ego or clouding your face like vicious acne. Get down off that soap box and do what we love you for, being a performer and a professional.
    Other bouts of irony include the fact that this video only exists for two reasons. One; someone else was doing the same thing. They just happened to be further back, so they could get away with it. This led to someone else taking the video and posting it on Youtube, which is a whole other level of irony! This exhibition of complete and utter bad behavior only exists because someone took a video from someone else who was video taping a performance and happened to capture someone else get chewed out by a professional for their attempts to capture the performance. What a world.
     Why am I saying any of this? Well I saw a musical tonight. I will leave it unnamed. The woman in front of me irritated me beyond belief. She laughed at inappropriate times, flipped through her program incessantly, and made strange empathetic sounds when something touching happened. This is a musical babe, not your grandchild's wedding. What irritated me most, is nearly five minutes from the end of the first act, she simply got up and walked out. This wasn't a big theater. The light pools flooded the stage and audience alike and even slight noise and movement could be heard or seen from anywhere in the house. So imagine how distracting it was when she got up and walked in front of two sections of the house to leave maybe four minutes before the first act even ended! I don't care how bad you have to pee, hold it.
    I understand the experience of theater is changing every day, but there's a line. At least try to be polite. Can we all be adults hear? Oy vey! Okay, off my soapbox now. Sorry!

~Just Another Thoroughly Irritated Starving Actor.

(My adjectives are growing. Soon I will sprout into a beautiful Miriam Webster's.)

(Apologies. One of those is an adverb and one is a noun.)

Be that 7%

     When you workshop a show (A play or musical.) you run it through a series of performances that run the gamut, from full fledged performances in front of a live audience to private viewings with an audience of critics and artists, script in hand. In a way, I find life to be like the workshopping of a show. Nothing's ever set in stone and there are constant revisions, adjustments, and re-runs to work towards the gratitude of your audience. As most will agree, I'm sure, art is hard. It's always a constant struggle to wedge your way into the tiny cone of acceptance. As artists, we strive for championship and excellence. Nothing less. Rarely do we achieve the perfection we hernia ourselves towards. Nonetheless, we trudge through the muck of criticism and sheer disappointment in hopes of finding our grail.
     So why do you care? Good question. When you figure out the answer, let me know. In all honesty, this whole thing can go unnoticed. Maybe I'll give up. I can't predict the future, and neither can Madame Nonsense, so hang up the phone. I can't tell you what this will be a month from now, much less tomorrow. But, what I do know, is that people often fail to realize how much art floats through society and what we as a human race are capable of. Furthermore, society tends to completely overlook the difficulty of art and 'making it' as an artist. By making it I don't mean famous per say, I mean being a professional. Making a career out of your art is one of the hardest things anyone can ever try to achieve. You're faced with constant rejection. If I'm a starving actor trying to make it in NYC, I can attend hundreds of auditions over the course of several months and will still have less of a chance landing a gig, than you do being trampled by Mike Tyson in an excavator. No joke.
     So why am I writing this? Even better question. Better because I have the answer. I want whoever comes across this, artist or not, to not only know what's going on in the world of performing arts, (Or at least my spectrum of it.) but believe that they have the ability to produce the same kind of pure inspiration and astonishment as Kristin Chenoweth's 'E' over soprano 'High C' or Anything Goes' mind-boggling, chest-rumbling, Act 1 Finale tap number. I want my readers to know that it's never easy, but it's always possible. I believe that probably 30% of people can belt it like the next Aretha, but have never tried. I'd be willing to bet that a mere 7% of people who sing on a regular basis, are decent, and successful. I'm saying, be that seven percent. You won't have perfect pitch. You won't get the money shot on the first try. You won't land the first gig. You won't perfectly proportion your model's marble tits to her marble tummy. But that doesn't mean it's not possible.
   I'm not a counselor, this is not an inspirational blog. I just want my readers to know who they can be, and more importantly who they are, as artists. To quote a horrendously popular musical, we're all in this together. As much as it pains me say it, Disney hit the nail on the head. It's a scary world out there. Life is hell, and art is it's own special ring. We all need a little boost now and then. Kiss my ass and I'll kiss yours. Or something like that. Whatever the expression, let's applaud after curtain, no matter the outcome.

~Just Another Starving Artist